Leaving my notebook at home.

I used to go to McNally Robinson every Thursday for their open mike poetry reading.

Each and every Thursday all of us regulars and always a few newbies would crowd into the bookstore coffee shop (which by the way was the size of a thimble) and anxiously await our chance to be heard. When it was finally my chance to be heard, I would leap four victorious inches up onto the 2 by 2 foot platform…*ahem* I mean stage, and recite my poem with all my heart and soul. When I would finish I would eagerly await the applause from the crowd. Not necessarily because I was good at what I did, but because as an audience member and fellow reader, it was the crowds obligation. To be quite honest, most of us weren’t listening anyway. We were there to be heard. The irony was, because we all had our own agendas of “needing to be heard” no one ever got heard. They got humored.

If a poem is recited in a coffee shop, and no one chooses to listen, did it make a sound?

On a few occasions, I decided that I would leave my notebook at home and chose to be simply a spectator, and I really enjoyed it. There are a lot of fascinating people out there if you take the time to actually listen, without agendas-without just waiting for your turn to speak. I think my favorite of all time was a woman who sang a song she had written about her collection of banana peel stickers. It was by far the most peculiar thing I had heard in quite some time, but it was sincere, unique, and absolutely…. her.

When I write a post, I get very excited. I victoriously hop on to my Internet and post it with all my heart and soul. Then I wait for my comments, my sign that people are reading. Not necessarily because what I wrote was good, but because as fellow bloggers in the audience of blogland, I think we too can feel that same obligation to comment. It makes me wonder if I spend my time in blogland just waiting for my chance to be heard and never really listening to anyone else?

I often wonder when I’m reading the other blogs if I might enjoy them more if I leave my own blog aside and take the time to really listen like I did at the readings.

Perhaps I will give it a try.

I don’t know if that necessarily means that I will stop updating my blog altogether and eventually delete it, or if it just means that I will throw it on the back burner for a while.

Right now all I know, is that I want to stop and listen. I want to leave my notebook at home.